Grandma Lillian Costa Avants had a lot of fun and a lot to say in life, and nothing changed on her deathbed. Brian recorded many comments on his computer, Mike recorded more on his camcorder, and I filled a notebook. Here are a few:

“All good things must come to an end. I was a good thing, now I’m coming to an end.” “They take all these kids 16 and 17 and put them behind bars when they smoke marijuana, and the real crooks get away with millions.”

“Merv, I’m dying.. .dying. . . and I don’t die. It gets my goat.”

“I feel so badly for Brian, sleeping on the hard, hard floor. [Brian slept on a yoga mat, Mike and Sabrina on an inflatable mattress.] Oh, dear me. Poor thing.”

“I don’t know where this journey is going to take me—it’s a mystery.”

“You can trust your flesh and blood.” [Watch out for strangers.]

“I know my own mind.” [Her response when she did not want to cooperate.] “I’m all set.” [Her response when she was satisfied.]

“I’m dying in a very nice way, with my family around me. This is a nice way to go, Brian.” To Brian, working with his Apple G-5: “That computer does everything—why doesn’t it tell you when I’m going to kick the bucket?”

[Cousin] Chet Nowasacki to my mother, as he was leaving: “You be good, Lillian.” My mother: “In this condition, what else could I be?”

After Chet left: “He’s a sweetheart. I love him. We had so much fun together. It makes me sad to leave him. He really needs me here.”

To Mary Nowasacki: “They used to call me the girl with the Million Dollar Legs. They ought to see them now.”

On the Red Sox and the salaries they pay: “I wouldn’t go to one of those games for free. With all the poverty all over the world, Pedro [Martinez] doesn’t have a brain in his head, and he makes millions.”

“Why don’t I die? It isn’t that I’m holding back, I want to go.”

“My grandsons are a couple of marvelous kids. I love them. I hate to leave them.” “Michael is lucky to have Sabrina. She is wonderful. And she is lucky to have him. Michael is nifty, he’s excellent, he can do anything. And he’s handsome.”

“Mike is so sweet and gentle. I hope Sabrina never hurts him.”

Pointing to her head: “I’ll never lose it up here. You’ve got to be strong, and hold your marbles. I’ve got all my marbles.”

“I have every miggle God gave me. I haven’t lost a miggle.” [A miggle is an ounce of brains.]

“Brian is so smart. And so good-looking. He’s like a smart movie star.”

“Brian with his Grandma is wonderful—takes me to the bathroom We did good He s so strong. He’s so sweet.”

“Jessica [Chet’s daughter] is so nice. She’s a great kid. Mary loves that daughter. I was thrilled to see Mary. I love her.”

“Dave [Jessica’s husband] is as nice as he is handsome.”

After one of my cousin Eleanor’s calls: “Eleanor loves me. This is breaking her heart. I miss her now. She has been a true sweetheart.”

“Eleanor married Warren. He was the best thing that happened.”

After a call from Raymond and Ann: “Ann was very good to me. She knows how to work and she is fun to be with. Raymond has good sense. He understands the world.”

“Raymond has common sense. He needs to take my place.” [in the family]

After I spoke with my cousin Paul on the phone: “Paul is a big success. He runs a bank, you know. He deserves it. Jean, Paul, and Linda [Gardner] had hard lives and they deserve the best of everything. Poor Linda. What could be more unfair?” [Linda died at 15 in an auto accident.]

 “Jean [Gardner] is like my daughter. I tell her not to spend money on me, but she won’t stop. What can I do? We are strong for each other.”

 After [Cousin] Debbie left, following a pleasant visit: “There goes a sweet kid. Frank is so nice. I love her and Steven and Michael. I saw Michael at Wal-Mart. He was so happy to see me, but not as happy as I was to see him. What a good boy.” [Cousin] “Sheri has been one of my best friends. We are years apart, but we speak the same language. She is a great mom. Alyssa is sugar, and that Philip is rugged!” Brian on the phone to Rebecca: “I never would have thought dying could be fun, but we’re all having such a good time, especially Grandma.”

 “You could not die in a better atmosphere. I’m dying happy.”

 [Cousin] “Donna is on the ball. She’s a Costa. She gets things done. There are no flies on that girl.”

 “I like Jeff so much. [Donna’s husband.] He is a teddy bear. He has a real heart.” After waking from a dream: “I woke up baking cherry muffins. They were so beautiful.” “Michel, a lot of people liked me that I did not care for. But, I was nice to everyone.” Brian, Mike, Sabrina and I played catch with a stuffed animal and hit Grandma. She said “It’s a good thing it wasn’t a ball from that black man, Pedro [Martinez.] It would have killed me.” Everyone laughed. “You’ve got to have fun in life—and death.”

 We were discussing her situation and I said, “You had 94 good years, Ma.” She said, “Merv, come on, I’m almost 95! Give credit where credit is due.”

 Mike and Sabrina built a snowman in front of my mother’s window, facing the window, with bright red cherry tomatoes for eyes, a carrot for a nose, and raisins for the mouth. It was very visible, life-size, and the facial features stood out in the sun. After they finished and my mother woke up I said, “Wait, there’s someone at the window!” My mother’s eyes popped open wide and she said, “Who is that man? I told her it was a snowman Mike and Sabrina had built for her. She looked again and had her last genuine belly laugh.

 After Pete and Danielle Long left: “My God, they are nice kids. You can look at them and see they are clean and intelligent. What a future. Too bad I’m going to miss it.” After one of Cousin Richard’s get-well cards arrived, with a personal drawing, “Richard is as cute today as he was when he was a kid. He has never grown up. He is like [my brother] Eddie, a great artist, and very soft-hearted.”

 “Remember what I tell you—be good to Gail [my wife.] She’s your best friend.” “Your father wishes he could be here. But, he’s not up to par. Otherwise, wild horses couldn’t keep him away.”

 After making arrangements to go to dinner with Phil Naze, a local friend, she said, “That Phil is such a good guy.” I asked how she could be so sure, because she did not know Phil well. My mother said, “Merv, his aunt became a nun!”

 “Mike is very cute. He said to me, ‘Grandma, I’m like you. I love family.”

 “Gail is an angel, a true angel.”

 “Gail’s parents are lovely people. She comes from a nice family.”

  “I have faith in God. He has the people I love around me.”

 After I spoke on the phone with Bob Gustafson, my oldest friend. “Bob is like a son to me. I always felt close to that boy. His mother and I were pregnant at the same time and when she died [at Bob’s birth] it broke my heart. Then, as a little boy, you came home with him as your playmate. You have been best friends all your lives. Isn’t that wonderful? God’s hand kept me in touch with his mother through you and him.” Mike: “We will be leaving in the morning, Grandma.” Grandma: “We had a fine time. I am content. Remember that Grandma lived a long, long life, and died happy.” After Mike and Sabrina left at 5:30 in the morning: “Mike is such a wonderful kid. He has my sister Alice’s eyes. Sabrina is so sweet and pretty and—guess what—she’s sensible, too.” This was the only time I saw Grandma crying through the entire period. She talked about her sister Alice, who died at 17. She said Alice’s last words were, “Mama, I hate to die. I’m so young.”

 My mother woke and said she had a realistic dream where she was walking a friend’s baby and it looked like a monkey. Gail told her a story about visiting a grocery store with Mike when he was 3 or 4. They encountered a lady with a bizarrely unattractive baby hanging over her arm with legs dangling. Michael looked at the baby and said, loudly, “Mom, look, look—a monkey!” Gail said she was so embarrassed she fled to the back of the store and hid. Grandma had a hearty laugh to start that day.

 Visiting nurse to my mother, after taking her vital signs: “Your heart is strong and regular.” Grandma Lillian: “What’s the point?”

 After a call from Virginia Costa, her brother Joe’s wife. “Ginny was so good to Joe. She kept him alive.” [after his bout with polio in the I 950sj

 With the porta-potty in the living room: “If you’ve got company you don’t like, you put it in front of them!”

 “You’ve got to have a laugh, you’ve got to have a cry.”

 ”had a good life in this apartment. Everything was perfect. I was truly all set. But some of these old ladies got on my nerves.”

 [At Coes:] ‘1 miss my little apartment. I loved living there. It was so cozy.”

 “If I don’t make it until Raymond gets back—tell him he has to take my place, he is the one with the good common sense. He knows the world.”

 [On March 15th one of the Coes volunteers, Deb, brought fresh flowers. She had brought flowers the week before and my mother loved them. My mother had been sleeping but when the new flowers arrived she perked up immediately and explained to Deb, “Soon the apple blossoms will bloom. When I was a little girl my entire neighborhood [Forest Avenue in Hudson] was snow white with apple blossoms. It was a sight to see. Beautiful. But, no more. There will be no apple blossoms for me this year.” Deb said, ‘1 enjoyed talking with you so much last week. I went home and wrote down what you told me. Do you remember what you said?” My mother said, “Of course, but do you remember?” Deb said, “I wrote in my book the three things you said it takes to be happy—someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to.” On February 3, a visiting nurse examined my mother and solemnly said to me, “I give her two weeks...”: When she left, my mother said, “After the middle of March, I will fade away, when the daffodils and crocuses are starting to come up. Look how long you have to stay with me. See if I’m right!”

"You know, Grammy and Eddie and Helen and the others are waiting for you."

 

"Yes, indeed."

 “Toodle-oo.”